Women & Money

Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

When talking about women & money, I think it’s important to understand how our socialization as women has impacted our relationship to money and our emotional security around money.

I think there’s also an important part of the conversation where we could talk about inequalities and injustices around money and the structural oppression – in our society it primarily disadvantages those living with marginalized identities. And those are real problems that exist and that need to be addressed at policy and social levels in our communities – especially when we’re talking about security in housing, food, education etc... But in this specific post, I’m focusing on mindset around money and our belief around where our emotional security comes from.

There are three main ways that I see these socializations play out in relation to money and security:

Women are often portrayed as irrational, irresponsible, and frivolous with money.
Women are socialized to believe that the money they have and/or earn is what will create their emotional security - that a certain amount of money will create a feeling of security.
Women are taught that there are “good” money decisions and “bad” money decisions - and further, they are taught that they are not “good” with money and that they don’t make “good” money decisions.

The result of this is that women and people who were socialized as women, don’t trust their money decisions, because they’ve been conditioned to believe that they can’t and don’t make the “right” decisions.

This premise is based on the idea that there are “right” decisions that exist and can be made.

What I want to point out is that we’re given these ideas by other people - which in reality, is just their thoughts and opinions about money. And yet, we accept them as universal truths.

But these beliefs and opinions about money that we’ve simply accepted as truths, are all subjective. For example, advice around what constitutes “good” money decisions and “bad” money decisions is often contradictory and conflicting.

But as women, we are not taught to question these ideas in order to make decisions for ourselves.

And when we try to outsource an emotional experience of security and safety to something outside of us (especially something we’re taught to believe that we’re not good at) - it perpetuates this lack of emotional security with even more anxiety or fear.

Because a feeling of security is something you generate for yourself.

Because even when you have more money, it will not create your emotions for you. It will not make you feel safe and secure in the world.

We know this because we see millionaires hoarding money, unwilling to spend it and acting scared and fearful around it.

This is because it’s never the dollar amount that creates your feelings.

It will not stop your brain from worrying - and if that’s what you want -> you need to do that on purpose.

You create security within you on purpose -> and it comes from how you think.

This is amazing news, because it means that no matter what happens to you or your money, you’re always in charge of how you get to feel. That’s where your freedom and power lie.

What this means is that you have the ability to create your own emotional security no matter what. You can learn to liberate yourself from the beliefs that you’ve been offered by society about your relationship with money.

And when you examine your beliefs, question them, and decide what it is you want to believe *for* yourself, you open yourself up to different possibilities for your life.

Because it really is about deepening your relationship to yourself.

And when you think that money will create your sense of emotional security, you discount your own opinion and capabilities. You give your power away to money or other people’s ideas of it, rather than seeing the power you have within yourself.

When you are truly able to separate your emotional security from your money, that’s when you can generate security for yourself - in who you are. You can make your decisions for yourself & your life on purpose - and with intention. You will be aligned with what it is that you want to do - for you.

When you generate your own feeling of security, you’ll be more willing to be all in on yourself in order to create the life that you want.